I am a cat person. I have always liked cats, and I’ve had them and been around them since I was a kid. There is something elegant and poised about a cat; it’s as if they are looking at you with knowing eyes. I think the Egyptians were on to something.

There’s one problem I have though: one of my cats is a real jerk. She brings absolutely nothing to the table. My life is in no way enhanced by having her in it.

The problem is that she is a very pretty cat. She is like one of those girls you probably knew back in college who is beautiful and seemingly perfect at a glance, but who is dead on the inside. Chloe is like that girl.

She is blessed with thick, luxurious fur which is marbled with cream colored and steel grey fur. She has striking blue eyes, and she glides around the house in a very elegant, cool manner. Picture James Bond if he were a cat. A very cool character for sure.

The major problem arises when she has to interact with any of the three other animals, or us humans. She acts so uppity, and doesn’t seem to want to interact with anyone, unless it is on her own terms. There is one exception: when its mealtime. Then, she is suddenly alert and attentive. It’s amazing. She’s like that horrible friend we’ve all had who only talks to you when you have something they want. When you want to talk to them, or need anything at all, they are conveniently unavailable or indisposed. My cat Chloe is like that friend.

She is also incredibly anti-social. Whenever there is a moment where the three of us are relaxing or hanging out, the three other animals are usually there around us enjoying their time with us and keeping us company. Chloe is usually nowhere to be found. It’s as if she considers it a nuisance that she has to share the house with us.

The only pleasure I gain from her presence, sadly enough, is watching how miserable she is when our male cat wrestles with her. He will attack her and pin her down, and her livid, angry responses are the best part of the interaction. The howls she emits make it sound like she is enduring a living hell; it’s actually quite comical. I probably wouldn’t think much of it if it wasn’t for the fact that she is so miserable and ornery.

If my cat was a person, she would be that attractive but miserable and bitchy co-worker we’ve all had. You know the type. The one who walks around with her head up, projecting that holier-than-thou attitude. The one who will be fake with the people who write her check and miserable with all the rest. My cat chloe is that person.

She better pray she doesn’t come back as a human. She’ll never make it in civilized society.